The One-Person Rule

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Deb's most notable feature was her flat abs, and the related piercings. She sent me a picture of those abs shortly after we started chatting. Needless to say, it got my attention. Deb was the first woman who formally articulated what several other women had intimated.

Attention Spans

 Funny how a slightly different perspective can change everything.

By now you can probably feel my frustration with dating in my 40s and soon-to-be-50s. The sad part is I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of my misery. Although I was married for 19 years, my Ex and I got a later start on reproductive activities due to infertility issues. That means while I’m almost 50, I have two very young children, ages 4 and 10. These two kids are the center of my world, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. They keep me young, and they get to see how someone rebuilds their life when someone else takes a huge dump on them.

They Call Her Lady Luck

Searching for Chemistry

All this talk about Suzy I has me worked up. It puts me in the mind of other relationships gone wrong after one date, the ol’ One-and-Done. My mind doesn’t wander too far in this regard before stumbling over my encounter with Suzy II. As you may recall, Suzy I and Suzy II are not related. Their real names aren’t even Suzy. But my experiences with them are reminiscent of each other, and they wear their hair in a similar fashion (short and parted on the side), and their smiles are identical (heads tilted, bright, cute smiles).

Hence, Suzy I and Suzy II.

Romantic Comedies -- The Gold Standard

Dating Stories from the Other Side

Dating Stories from the Other Side

So far all of the stories I’ve shared with you have been my own.  Interesting dates I’ve been on, and interesting “relationships” I’ve been in. During most of these dates, there comes a time where we play a game of one-upsmanship, with each person trying to outdo the other in telling a story about their worst dating experiences.

I usually win these battles.

Occasionally, however, I’m surprised at how bad some of the other men have been.

Example.

Ah, Relationships. . . Are they really worth the Trouble?

How Relationships Can Ruin Music

U2 released their most recent offering during the eight-day insanity I like to call Suzy I. You will recall that the first seven days went well. Off the charts connection. True, it was all texting and messaging. But virtual or not, the connection was real. Then we met. The date seemed to go OK. We met at a fancy restaurant and ate a fancy dinner over a fancy bottle of wine. And we talked. For five hours.

The Mea Culpa Series -- Installment 1

A new series!

This series is devoted to sharing stories in which I’m mostly to blame for a date having gone wrong. Strike that. Partly to blame. I’ll let you decide whether I should shoulder most of the blame. One might be tempted to compare this series to the “Egg on My Face” series. That would be misguided. The “Egg on My Face” series is intended to make fun of myself. This series is intended to play devil’s advocate and suggest, despite my constant datebashing, perhaps Lex should look in the mirror and own up.

No humor intended. Just some cold, hard analysis.

Make sense?

OK.

Maybe it will.

After the jump.

Nature versus Grace: Which Path have You Chosen?

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There are two ways through life
The way of nature and the way of grace
You have to choose which one you’ll follow
Grace doesn’t try to please itself
It accepts being slighted, forgotten, disliked
It accepts insults and injuries
Nature only wants to please itself
Get others to please it too
Likes to lord it over them
To have its own way
It finds reasons to be unhappy
When all the world is shining around it
And love is smiling through all things
Can we stay true to the way of Grace?

I’m Sorry (v.1)

A few posts back I introduced you to Hockey Mom.  No friends or family have ever met anyone I’ve dated post-divorce, including Hockey Mom. However, just about everyone I know was in love with her. They still ask me about her to this day. I guess it was clear she was cool and we liked each other.

Nature Girl

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A few posts ago I introduced you to the wonderful world of Zoosk via my date with the Lovely Rita. That makes a total of 2 dates over 6 months. Add in one more conversation with a third member and you have the sum total of all my interactions on that web site.

And it's not a free site.

Huh?

Yeah, I don't get it either.

But I do have a theory.

The Treadmill Date

Despite my love and passion for the sport, it may come as a surprise that I’d never really want to mix running with dating. Maybe later on in a relationship where talking isn’t essential and we can just run. But running is my escape, and I’d rather not be under the crunch to be witty and conversational with an attractive woman while I’m trying to escape.

Nonetheless, I found myself having a running date early in my tenure on Match. I had been chatting with a doctor who prided herself on multitasking. We agreed to move from messaging to a phone conversation. She gave me her number and I called it at the agreed upon time.

Turns out she was multi-tasking again.

This time she was running on a treadmill.

Better yet, the treadmill was so loud that she couldn’t hear me talk.

Meanwhile, I'm on a business trip in North Carolina, holed up in a hotel room due to a blizzard.

"Hi, this is Lex."

"Lex?"

"Yes, Lex from Match."

"Sorry, I can't hear you very well. I'm running."

"At a gym?"

"Yes."

"OK, well, I'll try to speak up."

So for the next 20 minutes I kept repeating what I said in a louder and louder voice, and by the end of the conversation, my voice hurt. I'm not sure it's possible for someone's voice to hurt. But mine did.

This was a Monday. I didn't learn much about the doctor during our conversation, but we did agree to a second date the following Saturday. I waited until Saturday morning to touch base with the doctor, mostly because I didn't feel like yelling into a phone anymore. So I emailed her.

"Are we still on for tonight?"

"I don't think so."

"No?"

"No, I didn't like how you treated me."

"I'm sorry."

"I felt like I was in front of the Spanish Inquisition. You kept yelling at me."

"Oh,  I didn't realize that. I thought you asked me to speak up because you were on a treadmill."

"And I couldn't shake the feeling that by yelling you were trying to put me in my place."

Oh jeesh.

The doctor not only was female, she was African American. Since I dated three different African Americans in college and a fourth in law school, my conscience was clear.

"OK, well, I'm sorry. Good luck in your search."

And that was that.

Dating, like life, is a box of chocolates.

Depends on Your Definition of "Exclusive"

Today we tell the story of Lisa.

This might be better than the story of GiGi. I met Lisa on Match, I have no idea who reached out to whom first. But in no time, we decided to meet. The setting was an outdoor lunch. Lisa had spent part of her youth in the south, and had a soft southern accent. She also had soft hands. I learned this when she reached across the table, placed my hand in hers, and started pawing at me like Cat Woman. Oh my. Talk about a jolt to me inner 18-year-old.

This is How I Love You, Baby

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 She said, "Why, why don't we drive through the night?
We'll wake up down in Mexico"

"Oh I, I don't know nothin' about, nothin' about, no Mexico
And tell me why, why won't you love me for who I am, where I am?"

She said
"'Cause that's not the way the world is, baby
This is how I love you, baby
This is how I love you, baby"

-- Paul Simon,  Hearts and Bones

Ain't that the truth.

Unlike many of my other stories in which I contend dating has changed over the last 20 years, I'm not sure this aspect of relationships has ever changed or ever will. To a significant extent, we love our partners because they fit into our lives, because they do what we want, because they comply, they relent, they give us our way.

Boozing and Broads

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You can't have a blog about dating, boozing, and divorce without a little music from the Chairman to accompany it.

Marriage -- Does it Always Come to This?

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I already introduced you to my Ex, Sabina.

In that introduction I suggested we simply grew apart and then went our separate ways.

Sounds lovely, doesn't it?

Ah, yes, and peaceful.

If only.

The So-Called Jim Morrison Days

 Many a post on this blog will reference “the Jim Morrison days.” Some of you know doubt have never heard of Jim Morrison. Those of you who have, know exactly what I’m talking about.  Morrison was a front man for a 1960s band called the Doors. Everything about him oozed rebellion and sex. No quote couldn’t ever hope to capture what it was to be Jim Morrison, but this one comes as close as any:

Lovely Rita Meter Maid

Match.com isn’t a bad site. Members find themselves needing to take breaks from the insanity, but once you get used to it and insert a few breaks, it serves its purpose (entertainment, a diversion, whatever, a topic for a later post). POF isn’t bad either. It gets a bad rap because its free, and a lot of blue collar, uneducated people are members. I haven’t found that to be the case with POF. It is a fair assessment, however, of another site called Zoosk.

The Egg-on-My-Face Series -- Installment 1

OK.

I've spent the first several posts bashing women, the women I've dated, the women I've been married to (well, that would be "woman" in the singular), and when all else failed, women in general. I'm perfect. Right?

I wish.