Lex Returns

I've been on my own for two years, and it has been an interesting journey. What I found is that the best people to date are the folks who just got out of a marriage, and are recently divorced or separated. This is contrary to conventional wisdom, but I believe it to be true.

Why?

These folks have had enough of a bad relationship and are ready to try the next big thing, whether that is serial dating or a full-on relationship. They are looking for fun, something lite and breezy, which happens to be exactly what I'm looking for. Might be long-term or it might not be. Neither of us cares. We just move forward and see where it goes.

This is how it used to be, no? You know, back in the good old days of dating (however you define that time period).

But then what happens?

Ah, this is the critical part.

The Anti-Crack Date

The Anti-Crack Date

Many of you who have read this blog for any time will no doubt take exception to my relentless attacks on the “crack heads,” those in the dating world who seek teen-like exuberant highs from their mid-life love interests.

“Of course I want to feel that excitement, Lex! That’s why I got divorced. Because the marriage was same-old, same-old every damn day and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to feel vital and wanted and loved again!” And you know what it feels like to be loved and wanted, because, well, you already did this once back in your teens and twenties.

Ah hem.

My response is twofold.

Online Dating – Making Sense of It

Online Dating – Making Sense of It

Ahhh, online dating. If you are new to this, welcome. If you are not, well, then, you’ll likely find what I write here interesting and perhaps even entertaining.

Searching for Chemistry

All this talk about Suzy I has me worked up. It puts me in the mind of other relationships gone wrong after one date, the ol’ One-and-Done. My mind doesn’t wander too far in this regard before stumbling over my encounter with Suzy II. As you may recall, Suzy I and Suzy II are not related. Their real names aren’t even Suzy. But my experiences with them are reminiscent of each other, and they wear their hair in a similar fashion (short and parted on the side), and their smiles are identical (heads tilted, bright, cute smiles).

Hence, Suzy I and Suzy II.

My First Date

Not every person I’ve met has been a one-and-done. I had rather good luck in the early days of Match (“good luck” in a relative sense, you know, compared to most of the other dates I’ve had). Hockey Mom and I started chatting as both of our divorces were being finalized. It was clear there was mutual interest, but neither one of us wanted to taint the beginning of our relationship with the end of our divorces. So we practiced delayed gratification until both of our divorces were final.

One-and-Done

I was a philosophy minor in college, with a history-political science double major. Then I went to law school. I did well. Why? I’m a theoretical kind of guy. So while I enjoy sharing my dating war stories, I will revert to my former self on occasion and poke fun at this thing we call dating.

Today I direct my attention at what I’ll call the One-and-Done Syndrome.

What is this malady, you ask?

Texting

In 1995 there was no texting. There may have been email. But my Ex and I never emailed each other while we were dating. The chemistry was all in-person or on the phone. Texting is another beast altogether. As a writer, I don’t mind texting. I like email better because it’s easier to compose my thoughts. But there is nothing inherently wrong with texting.

Before Divorce, There was Marriage

I can’t really write a blog and expect to develop a readership unless my readers are at least somewhat acquainted with my back story. As a vice presidential candidate once asked, Who am I? Why am I here?

Stories have to start somewhere, and this one we’ll pick up in the middle. I met Sabina, my Ex, at a nursing home. My dad was terminally ill with cancer. She was his nurse. My sister tells me the night after I first met Sabina, I called my sister and told her I was going to marry our dad’s nurse. She laughed. “Sure you are, Lex, Your 30-years-old, never married, never even close, and how many women have you dated?”

Mea culpa. My sister was right. Me settle down? Never.

But I did.

With Sabina.